The headline? It appears to be psum dolqr stf cnsgctetuer ipisci announce the merger tomor nummy nibh euism d tncidrnt ut laore.
Well, that's not completely fair of me. Combined with the picture of the device, what it's really saying is that the Cingular BlackBerry turns a stream of gibberish into plain English.
But is that really what these two companies want to say? When was the last time you got a lot of gibberish on your computer screen instead of the news bulletin you were seeking, and wished you knew how to decode it?
And where is the product news? Where is the benefit?
You're certainly not going to find it in that unreadable sans-serif small-type wide-measure copy block at the bottom of the page. Usually this kind of typographic design is used by art directors to bury the message, which they consider a nuisance anyway. But in this case the message is as uninviting as the type design - copy which, though useful, doesn't tell us nearly enough about what we really want to know, in language we can understand.
The ad seems to assume that the reader already knows all about BlackBerry and is already sold on it. Never assume something like that - you may be bypassing a third or more of your audience of potential buyers.
When I went to Cingular's Web site, as invited by the ad, I was confronted with a number of options, none of which seemed like an extension of the print ad. I clicked on handhelds and PDAs and nothing happened. But at the top of the page was a stern warning: "If you are reading this message, probably you are not using a standard browser. Pages in this site may not be displayed correctly on non-standard browsers."
This is the first I ever heard that my beloved Netscape is a non-standard browser, and as an addictive browser I have visited literally hundreds of Web sites without ever (or hardly ever) having encountered this message before. About as prospect-friendly as the Cingular print ad, huh?
The Web site of RIM (Research in Motion, makers of the BlackBerry) was much better. In fact, it was chock full of information, including the benefits and advantages of its handhelds. But nowhere was there a concise, persuasive summing up, as you should find in a good print ad.
The featured model, presented as "the latest," was the BlackBerry 6210, and it was described and explained in an excellent demo presentation. Too bad some of this information wasn't used in the print ad.
But there was no RIM Web site address in the ad, and no mention of the BlackBerry 6810. The product in the ad illustration carries the Cingular brand as well as RIM's, and in the mice type at the bottom of the ad, it refers to the BlackBerry 5810, not 6810, even though the ad appeared in the Aug. 11, 2003 issue of Forbes.
A misprint? Or does it mean that if you buy your BlackBerry from Cingular, you don't get the latest model?
Ironically, journalists often do a better job of explaining the features and benefits of a product than do the advertisers themselves. So I started searching for magazine and newspaper articles about Cingular and BlackBerry, and found what I was looking for in the archives of USA Today.
I learned that since BlackBerry is an all-in-one device, you don't have to also lug along a laptop, cell phone and PDA when you travel. And you can tap into your office files without worrying about security. It's still not clear to me whether the latter is an exclusive benefit from Cingular, but it is a benefit.
So for my makeover, the promise, the ultimate benefit that I chose to dramatize, is freedom - freedom from carrying a lot of devices with you, illustrated by a user floating along on a magic carpet with his BlackBerry.
The prospect is a business "road warrior." The news is BlackBerry and Cingular joining hands. The product is the BlackBerry (6810?) powered by Cingular Wireless. The proof of claim is in the abridgement of the USA Today story which follows, with passages relevant to the freedom theme highlighted in red. And since the details in the original ad copy do have value, I have appended them as well.
I didn't play up Cingular's Web site address in the makeover as I usually do, because I felt that a visit there would be so unproductive. Otherwise that display would have to be improved too.
THOMAS L. COLLINS was co-founder and first creative director of Rapp & Collins and is co-author with Stan Rapp of four books on marketing.
He is currently an independent marketing consultant and copywriter based in Manhattan.
If you see a direct response ad that you think is crying out for a makeover, clip it out and send it (unfolded, if possible) to me at 250 E. 40th St., #40B, New York, NY 10016. To e-mail comments and opinions: .
