More on RE4 next month, as well as reviews of a few other big games with the numerals 4 or 3 in their names, like...Gran Turismo 4, Doom 3 (XB), and NBA Street 3.

Quick Hits

Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events (PS2/XB/GC) is most likely lurking in bargain bins as you read this; see Seanbaby’s Rest of the Crap (page 126) for more on that.... Speaking of Seanbaby, he declined to write about the budget title Scaler (PS2/XB/GC), claiming, “It’s actually kind of good.”.... CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (XB) didn’t arrive in time for us to review it, which means it’s probably as bad as your gut tells you it is.... If you’re a youngster (no horseplay!) or you shop for one, that new Hot Wheels Stunt Track Challenge game (PS2/XB, and there’s a GBA version) isn’t terrible.... We had hoped to review the Sega-developed mobile massively multiplayer online game Pocket Kingdom: Own the World (N-Gage) this month, but we couldn’t find anyone else to play against. Look for our verdict next issue....

Li’l N-Gage Games

They keep making ’em; we keep playing ’em.

FIFA 2005 • Nokia • ESRB: E — We’ll be damned if this isn’t a remarkably respectable soccer game—almost certainly the best sports game on the N-Gage, in fact. The controls work well, the action’s quick, and for a change, you really feel in control of your team at all times. Bonus points awarded for the thrilling rendition of New Order’s “Blue Monday” on the title screen.

Requiem of Hell • Nokia • ESRB: M — The N-Gage’s first M-rated game since Red Faction is an out-and-out clone of classic PC slash-em-up Diablo, right down to the blood that flies everywhere whenever you hit a mutant hellbeast in the face. The only difference in this Chinese-developed RPG: the dialogue, which features more hilarious English than a Japanese candy wrapper.

The Elder Scrolls Travels: Shadowkey • Nokia • ESRB: T — This original RPG is closer to The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind (XB) than you’d expect. Shame the execution’s so cocked up: The 3D graphics are crudely detailed, and the fighting is so broken that serious questing is almost impossible, making this yet another N-Gage title where you wonder if anyone tried playing it before release.

Shaman King: Power of Spirit • PS2 • Konami • ESRB: T — Against the wisdom of Mother Nature, the creators of Shaman King have grotesquely stitched together a button-mashing brawler with a shallow strategy game. They top it off with long, unanimated cut-scenes full of nonsense (not even the good, funny kind). Example: “WHAT!?? YOU HAVE ANNOYED ME!!! I WILL TEST THE POWER OF YOUR SPIRIT!!!”

Dragon’s Lair III • DVD game • Digital Leisure • ESRB: NA — The trick with Dragon’s Lair in the ’80s was that its detailed graphics helped make the super-low-fi gameplay easier to swallow. This retooling only succeeds as a novelty flashback you can play through your DVD remote. If you’re into nostalgia, it’s a nice little something for you to do while your Betamax player rewinds.

Atari Anthology • PS2/XB • Atari • ESRB: E

Having 85 Atari games on one disc is a treat for oldsters, but mostly it just reminds you of how crappy stuff used to be. Old haunts like Missile Command and Asteroids are priceless nostalgia for 20 bones, but since the whole shebang takes up less space than a cell-phone ringtone, we’d hoped for more—maybe some 7800 love?

The Polar Express • PS2/GC • THQ • ESRB: E — All aboard the hack-job cash-in express! Unlike the film of the same name, this simple string of gamey tasks, like puppet pong and ice-breaking asteroids, is wholly devoid of feeling or Christmas spirit. This Polar Express barely runs longer than the movie, so it’s really suitable only as a seasonal (and now belated) one-time rental for younger gamers.

Pinball Hall of Fame • PS2 • Crave • ESRB: E — It’s a virtual game room crammed full of antique to semirecent tables, each complete with historical commentary and highly technical instructions (rollover to ramp the spinner for the ball-trap multiplier what now?). This collection is squarely targeted at ordained pinball wizards, but anyone could have a little fun with this one, and for a budget price.

Zoo Keeper • DS • Ignition • ESRB: E — It might look and sound like a low-budget shareware title, but as block puzzlers go, Zoo Keeper ranks among the best. It plays a lot like the classically addictive Bejeweled, but with a wider variety of game modes and animals instead of gems. It doesn’t do much to take advantage of the DS, but playing with the stylus is easier than using the pad, and single-card wireless multiplayer is a nice touch. The $40 price tag is a bit steep, though.

Chicago Enforcer • XB • Kemco • ESRB: M

Good premise, poor execution: That’s the Chicago Enforcer way in this budget-priced shooter. Who wouldn’t want to be a lackey for Al Capone in 1920s Chitown? Maybe discerning gamers who don’t want gameplay, graphics, and . almost as ancient as the subject matter. The few enjoyable moments and simple but fun Live support found here just aren’t enough.

Dai Senryaku VII: Modern Military Tactics • XB • Kemco • ESRB: E — This difficult-to-describe (and pronounce) Xbox cheapie is a throwback to old computer war games, but instead of goblins, you’re moving what appear to be fancy Risk pieces around a plain hexfield battle map. It’s a challenge, especially on higher difficulty levels, but lackluster visuals and story will deter all but the most diehard of grognards.

Review Crew Survivor

Our fully clothed contestants are fighting hard for a spot on our Review Crew (but, like good kids, they’re using words). The contest is at its midway point, but that still means lots of people are due for a bootin’. Decide who gets voted off the hypothetical island next at .com! P